Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
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