Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
