we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
it was like having sex with a tree stump
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Randomize
