so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
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he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
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Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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