my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
My liver just had a heart attack.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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