Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
