If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
