DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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