have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
