Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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