Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
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