I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
