My Higher Power is John Stamos
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
