Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
