So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
i drank out of a bidet.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
