I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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