Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Randomize
