There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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