barbara walters just said penis...
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
