wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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