He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
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