Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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