just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
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