We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Randomize
