he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
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