I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
