dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
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Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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