When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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