I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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