You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
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