Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
