i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
