none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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