I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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