Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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