I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
