A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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