GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Hippo gnu deer
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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