My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Drunk walkin through police station. America
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
