The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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