on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Randomize
