Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Randomize
