Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
