i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
