He kissed a someone with a penis
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
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