One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
