This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
