Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
