My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
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