Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Randomize
