i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
