I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Randomize
