dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize
