Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Randomize
