Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
