I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
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