I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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