Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize