My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
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You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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