Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
