Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
