first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
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