how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
