our cab driver is having phone sex.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
