Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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