I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
