Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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