I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
